It seems that everybody wants to know my age. How old am
I? Exactly how old is the mouthy, creative brat behind these billions of pixels? Guess what. I'll tell you once and for all.
Though this isn't for you... this is to prove a point.
For the fourteen years that I've been alive, I've been
able to see my country fall apart. I'm a UNITED STATES citizen and we are crumbling under our own
ground. Though it wasn't until the last five years that I've been able to take notice.
I've been subjected to abuse, seen what drugs can do to people, been throw into a hell
of lawsuits, and seen national disasters. Well, guess what. Here I am, STRIKING BACK!
I can't do much. I'm a pathetic person who practically lives on her computer.
I'm relatively poor, I have no special talents, and I'm not very sociable either. So here I am, venting on whatever sad person
who decided to actually come here. You can choose to stop reading now, or listen to me rant. It's not like I'll know anyways.
I say we're falling apart. And I can prove it. Sure, 9/11 was a horrible accident in
which thousands of lives were lost. THOUSANDS... in one afternoon!! We didn't even lose that many during the Revolutionary
War! I hear people say it all the time, "But 9/11 brought our faults to attention. We're coming together now, we're stronger."
Oh really? Tell me... What kind of country can only realize thier mistakes when some other country comes and crashes into
our towers? Don't think I'm disrespecting the USA because I'm not. I am merely using my freedom, the freedom of SPEECH to
get my point across.
Before 9/11, we still had several charges of muder, abuse, starvation, poverty, rape,
gang's drive-bys, gambling, drugs, cults. Hell, we've even had our own little Americanized mafias. These have become every-day
Surely by now you've realized I don't believe in "perfection". It's rather obvious that
we are nowhere near perfect. However, we are better than Iraq in my opinion. I shall not go on about racial discrimination
in that anyone who does such, in my beliefs are lower than garbage. We live in a world of discrimination. There are too many
cliques, gangs, cults. Though back to the main point. We aren't perfect. We will never be perfect, but we can be better. I
hate to say such, but we are in my opinion. Perhaps this is because I'm accustomed to what I'm allowed to do and not do. If
you come from a different country, you'll have your own opinions as well.
If you come from my school and you know the miniscule detail about me, you'll notice
that I am a huge fan of Japan. I love the culture, arts, and practices. I'm also interested in thier religion. A very dear
friend of mine happens to be Taoist so I'm doing research on taoism. Religion is a completely huge topic for me. It's so...
BROAD! With too many religions to count, I can't help but find them so overwhelming. I happen to be Christian, not a very
good one though. I'm a terrible person who sins regularly. So what does that make me? Human.
If you want to go deep into a talk about religion with me, good luck. It's rare that
I speak of such because for some people it's a joy to converse but for other's it's more of a private matter. I'm the latter.
Religion is for a person on thier own to decide how they want to live as accordingly. It goes for me as well. In fact, there
was a long two years that I didn't even go to church because I became so wrapped up in sin that I was imprisoning myself internally
because of it. It wasn't that I was abused or molested or mentally disturbed. I just became so withdrawn and scared... of
me. I had done it to myself, and even though I knew it was me, I think it was just some of those teenage hormones kicking
in. Of course I know that's not a justifyable answer so if you wish to sue me, let's get to know each other and we'll argue
until we're the best of friends. (Thank God I met you Johann, you've made such an influence on my philosiphical brain
that I would die without you. Same goes to you, Stephen. I love you so much!!)
People... we're living in an age of turbulance. I was a child who had some certain things
take place in my past that I refuse to tell you. Maybe I'll publish it someday when I'm a big-time psychologist and you can
pick it up. It'll fill in a lot of the gaps that I leave in my wake. But nonetheless, my first educational years were spent
in Missouri. Imagine that! I had a rough childhood but I had two damn good parents who busted thier asses to get me what I
have now!! It's not much, but it's a lot more than what some have. I'm an ungrateful child and for that I should be beaten
black and blue. I'll admit it. So what? How does this make me any different from any other child across the country?
Damn... I've gotten much too far into myself. But yes, there was a time when I
didn't experience any religious practice for two whole years except for Mother's Day, and during that I was forced to go.
And then two weeks ago I was forced to go again. I HATED it so much.. I went and told my mother upright that I disapproved
of her forcing me to do such a thing. Then afterwards I thanked her while in tears. See the difference? I went... and there
was a guest speaker there. His name was Tony (Mac) McCullen. Right before it started when we had opening prayer I asked God
for this man to make a difference. My words were along the lines of, "God... I'm falling into myself and I just need you to
redirect me. Please, let this man be a sign of your everlasting will on my part."
Thank God... He's truly as amazing as the Bible says. I mean, if you know me at my school.
I'm considered gothic, but I'm not. (Technically I'm emo. Read ~Clarity Beyond Waters~ for more details.) I'm a mouthy brat
who does things that are considered ignorant or mentally disturbing. Hell, I can't describe myself in justifiable words. But
that night... Tony Mac was exactly what I needed. He made me cry. Cry, people. For Christ's sake I was crying!
I hate to say that it's not that hard to make me cry because of what I've put myself
through. But that night... I was standing there, white knuckles gripping the seat in front of me, tears streaming but I didn't
care for anything. (So Tony Mac, I thank you. More than likely you'll never come across this site but nonetheless you've made
such an impact on me. I'll never forget it.) I even told him so that night. I told him that he was exactly what I needed,
and he said I made his day. Talk about an internal revelation, ladies and gentlemen.
Now, whenever I get pissed off after fighting with Mom I just listen to his DVD and
allow myself to fill up with peace. That night.. was the first night in YEARS (far past after I had stopped going to church)
that I was humming religous hymms all the way home.
I apologise for talking about my pathetic self so much. Back to the main reason this
page was made.
We are in a slowly detiriorating country. As a certain teacher put it, we've spent the
last hundreds of years trying to perfect this country and until the last recent decades... we've just been lolling across
the land our forefather's plowed.
9/11, our military going over to Iraq... Now we have these terrible, terrible, natural
disasters. And what's so sad is that we have nobody we can blame this on. New Orleans, a CITY, is on this day underwater.
People just don't realize the severity of these problems. People are having to leave thier homes! Taking nothing... How would
you like for someone to come up and say, leave. Get out, leave everything, don't come back.
Then here we have Hurricane Rita. I swear... I'm all the way in Oklahoma and we're being
affected. Can you even imagine this? Watch the news!! People can just hear it and say "Oh how horrible" and go on. That's
what I did. Then you realize things. These are PEOPLE. Possibly people you know. How many tears are shed over these govermental
and natural disasters? Let's just say, put them all in a hole and we'd have another Pacific Ocean.
It's because of Hurricane Rita that I made this page in the first place. You should
check out the poetry page and read Alex's Untitled. Here's a letter he sent me today.
Well, it looks like I dodged a bullet, we were at
one point going to take the full force, but seeing as she decided to turn somewhat, we were spared. Well, I'm going to have
to help with the cleanup tomorrow, clear roads and what not so people can go back to their homes, if those are still there.
There was a slight break in the rain here, so I stepped outside for a moment, and it was terrifying. I walked out about 12
feet from my house, and I could no longer see the lights in my house. It was complete darkness. Not even the bugs made a sound,
I was so quiet it became painful to not only the mind, but it ached the body. The wind began to whip up and I could barely
hold my footing as I trouped back to my house. I happen to live wayyyy out in the country, and as the wind whistled through
the trees, and it really did sound like some unearthly screams. I tried to take pictures, but all it would show was darkness,
even with the flash and flashlights.
My father has to go to the southern end of Houston Sunday to inspect the office building
to deem it safe for entry, and I'm going to go with him, and I'll take some pictures for you if you want, straight from ground
zero. After all, someone should at least remember those who didn't make it. The closet town to us is normally crowded the
max, there is not a single person in sight. Its like theose horror movies where the entire town is completely abandoned. As
of now we still have power, but Rita is only half finished.
See you on the other side,
My God... what are we becoming?